Everything That's Left Untied
by Summersetlights
Summary: After Eli spends a week alone in his room, Adam finally pushes Eli to do the unthinkable; To visit Clare at her grandmother's house to work things out. But with that plan, comes many obstacles that stand in their way...
1. Chapter 1

**_Ah. Yes. I am just finishing up Ultraviolet, Always and I've had this idea for a really long time. So. I decided to write it and see where it goes. :)_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Or Nicholas Sparks._**

**_Takes place a week after the hospital incident. _**

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><p><em>Entry #4<em>

_Slowly, but not slowly enough, I began to realize what a monster was. When we're little, we are told that monsters are the ones with claws and teeth that could tear you apart. We're told that these monsters live in your closet and underneath your bed. _

_But, now, what are your monsters?_

_Do you still look under your bed? Do you still ask your mom to check your closet, while you sit back in fear?_

_No?_

_That's what I thought._

_These monsters are those little beasts inside of us. They growl and snarl and they make sure that you can hear them. They grow in your fear and pulse with your anxiety. They don't want you to succeed. In fact, they want you to fail. These monsters want you to crinkle up and to stay down. And, once in a while, you wonder what or who these monsters are. You wonder, but you don't actually speak it. _

_And then- Boom!- you know what's been eating at you. You know it and it's horrifying. You know it and you're a disgrace. _

_The monster is you._

_._

_._

_._

"Eli, seriously. Stop writing in your journal for at least ten minutes. If you don't stop, I think that your emo will explode."

At that, Eli's head snapped up, his posture stiffening. Adam raised his eyebrows, not backing away from the challenge that Eli was proposing. Glaring daggers, Eli snapped the journal shut, anger flowing from his every movement, and he fell back over on his bed, his head finding home on the black and white skull pillow.

Adam was completely used this mood. Even before the situation with Clare, Eli had his off days. These days were hell for anyone that came near him. With his grimace and his clenched hands, and even his bruised lip that had been mutilated by his front teeth kept people away. And then, with his snide remarks and low insults that everybody heard, but no one commented on.

It was almost...normal.

"Come on, Eli. You know I didn't mean it like that. I just meant," Adam paused and looked at his best friend, his heart stuttering,"I just meant that you can't stay in here forever and write in your journal. It's not healthy, and certainly not what Cl-your parents would want."

Eli scoffed, making sure that his pain was coming off as anger,"Clare doesn't give a damn. Trust me, she doesn't care what I do." He shifted on his bed, his back facing Adam.

Taking a deep breath, Adam Torres stomped his way to Eli. Flipping the almost-sickly-looking kid over with impressive strength, Adam stepped back, his eyes blazing. "Where the hell is the Eli I know? Where the fuck is he? The Elijah Goldsworthy who isn't put down so easily. Sure, he's a bit sarcastic. And sure, there are times that I want to punch him, but that's what makes up Elijah Goldsworthy. That's what makes up you. And tell me, what happened to him?" Adam backed down slightly, his expression softening. Whispering, he said, "Where the hell is he, Eli."

"I'm not sure," Eli said mockingly, his head cocking to the side, "How about I check around the house? That Elijah Goldsworthy is always disappearing! That bastard!"

Letting out a small snort, Adam moved closer. "There we go. There's the Eli I know."

Eli smiled and bowed his head. He shook his shaggy hair and rubbed his eyes, a loud groan coming from him. "I'm sorry that you have to deal with me. You can go any time, you know."

Adam scoffed and fell back on Eli's bed, looking up to the ceiling. "Oh, please, Eli. Just shut up." Eli laughed lightly, not as light as before, but still softer than anything he had done in the past week, "You know that you can talk to me, right? I mean, I may not know what you're going through, but I can help you. By listening."

Eli gave his best friend a light smile and sighed, running his fingers through his hair, "I mean thanks for being here, but I think my problems are a little bit more difficult. I don't think talking about it will help me."

Adam stayed silent and tried to get what he wanted to say together. "Do you miss her?"

Eli froze and his whole body seemed to shrink. He was slowly becoming nothing and Adam could only watch. This was a loaded question. A question that couldn't be answered easily.

"More than you know." Eli whispered, his breath cold and his fingers cold. Adam simply watched, completely unsure of what to do, "But I don't know what to do about it."

"Go get her!" Adam said, bouncing up. His enthusiasm was practically choking Eli.

"Pardon?" Eli rubbed his eyes and yawned. Adam looked down at the slightly pathetic boy and muttered angrily under his breath.

"Go get your...Blue eyes!"

Eli froze and glanced up, his face pulled up into a grimace. "Sorry. I think that I look better with green." Adam groaned in frustration and Eli put his hand up, trying to calm him down, "Dude, seriously, don't ever say 'Blue Eyes'. This is real life, not a Nicholas Sparks book."

Adam stuck his tongue out, but a grin appeared quickly, completely changing the mood. Eli had not yet said no to the plan. There was still a chance. "So? Go get her! She's at her grandma's...so, yeah." He finished lamely, and awkwardly nodded.

"Dude, CeCe and Bullfrog won't let me drive. What kind of parents do you think they are? I've been on house arrest and I'm beginning therapy next week. They won't let me drive."

Adam sat back down on the bed, his spirits slightly broken. He nodded glumly, but suddenly, something occurred to him. "Wait!" Adam shouted, causing Eli to jump and make a hissing noise that sounded like a unhappy cat, "What if someone else drove? Like, what if I could find someone to bring you? ...And me?"

Eli scratched his head and sighed, biting his lips once again. "But who would drive us?" Since Julia's death, he didn't like when other people drove. He liked when he was in control, because he found that often, he was the only one that he could trust. And he even had a problem with that, because he found that sometimes, he couldn't even trust himself.

"I don't know. I guess, ...maybe I'll ask Drew! Not to drive, of course," Adam quickly threw in when Eli's eyes opened with fear, "But maybe he knows someone!" Getting up, and practically running to the door, he turned around to Eli. "Stay here, my little Gothic amigo. I shall be back."

And with a bright grin, Adam was already halfway down the stairs.

Eli simply furrowed his eyebrows and pulled the journal out on his lap. Turning to a clean page, in the middle of the book, he chewed lightly on the eraser of his pencil, and began writing every single thing that popped up in his mind. Thoughts and memories showed up so suddenly in his mind, that they reminded Eli of a jack-in-the-box. And to be honest, that freaked him out even more.

_Entry #10_

_She's something._

_God, I don't even know. She's this...light. I know that sounds cliche and corny, but I'm serious. And every time I'm with her, I feel like I'm slowly becoming grey, instead of the black color that has always surrounded me. I'm not saying that she's curing me, trust me, I'm not. But. I don't know. _

_And you want to know something scary?_

_I want to kiss her._

_More than anything._

_But I'm afraid that if I do, my monsters will get inside of her and destroy the way she smiles and laughs. And the way her eyes crinkle at the sides. It will disappear with every touch and kiss I'll give her. And I don't want that to happen._

_Well, bye for now._

_P.S. ...I really want to kiss her._

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><p><strong><em>Ah. So. The person driving Eli? Any guesses? ;)<em>**

**_And the journal entries range from when Eli first met Clare to...yeah. You'll see. ;)_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. _**

**_Degrassi is on in a few hours! Who else is excited? ;)_**

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><p><em>Entry #17<em>

_Gone._

_That's what I want to be. I want to go somewhere, anywhere, and just be gone. Because there's something that's been on my mind. And it has been haunting me._

_It's that lavender smell._

_That sweet, rich that captures me in a second. And the thing is, is that I can even smell it on myself. Every move I make, I smell it. Every thought that enters my mind, has that faint smell. It's intoxicating and infuriating all at the same time. And I can't take it anymore, because like a drug, the more of it I have, the more that I want from it. And that, I'm saying this in complete honesty, is the scariest thing. Because you just want to run and be gone, but you can't. You can't and you hate it. You can't because that girl will only haunt you._

_Damn you, Clare Edwards._

.

.

.

Eli grumbled under his breath and paced around his room. He didn't know why he gave his friend hope. I mean, sure, he wanted to visit Clare. Hell, he wanted to do more than visit her. But the hospital was the last time that they talked, and Clare Edwards made it clear that she didn't want to talk.

He looked down at his journal and felt his throat close up. He wasn't very open about his feelings for Clare, but if you looked in that composition notebook, you'd find everything. Every quirk, every single tear that was dropped. (In his earlier days, the tears were mixed together by eyeliner.) It was writing that had come out on those dark nights when everything was fine, but everything was changing.

He couldn't show it to anyone. Now, that would be a nightmare.

They would know the core of his problems and the aching of his soul and the way his mind worked. And that would be hell.

And even if he did go to Clare, what the hell would he say? He always got nervous with Clare Edwards in his presence. There was the option of preparing a speech, but Eli was a romantic at heart and wanted the words to the just come out and not be looked over and analyzed.

What to do, what to do...

In frustration, he gowled. He hated how a girl was making him act like this. A girl. A witty, charming, quirky, quaint girl was going to be the death of him.

"Hey, Eli!" Adam called from downstairs, declaring that he was back. A loud crash soon followed after, and Eli could only blame Adam's clumsiness.

Eli grunted in responce and then listened as footsteps came up the steep wooden stairs. He jumped on his bed and shoved the journal underneath his bottom pillow. Adam had been very hostile towards the book. He often threatened to burn it once in a while. Eli would take it out at the most unconvinient times and just scribble in it, which resulted with an angry Adam. And when Adam walked in, Eli was sitting awkwardly on his bed. Adam stared at him suspiciously. He had learned that he couldn't trust Eli.

"I found someone to drive us." Adam said carefully, still staring at Eli in wonder.

Eli nodded nonchalantely, "That's...um...cool. Who?" He scractched his scalp and glanced at the window, trying to look casual.

"Well...actually, Drew found someone. So, I don't know who it is...but, um...I think whoever it is will be perfect. But they'll be here in an hour, I think?"

Eli nodded and hoped that Adam would get the point to go. But, instead, Adam turned on his heel and almost skipped his way to Eli's closet. While his back was turned, Eli took the time to shove his journal way under his bed. Adam pulled every piece of clothing that Eli had and studied it. And more often than not, he'd toss the piece of clothing over his back and repeat the process again.

"I just cleaned my closet, you know." Eli said casually, hoping once again, that Adam would get the hint.

"Well, it's not clean now." Adam's voice came out muffled from the closet. Eli glared daggars at his friend's back and sighed.

"What are you doing, anyway?" He asked finally, when Adam went through the pile of shoes.

"I'm finding something for you to wear when you speak to Clare, of course. Oh! And you also need to take a shower. Trust me, you'll scare off everything if you don't." Adam folded the clothes in a pile and ignored Eli's look of hatred.

"I can find my own clothes to wear." Eli muttered defensively, but still didn't move. He glanced out the window, watching the sun in the sky.

"While I pack for you, I want you to call CeCe and make sure that this is even okay. I mean, she'll probably say yes, but I don't want her to freak out. Oh, and do you think you could ask your mother to call mine and say that I'm sleeping over here?" Adam plunged back down into the back of Eli's closet and his head was buried deep into the depths. When he came back out, in his hand was a black button up shirt that was begging to be ironed, "And apparently I have to iron this. You're lucky that I have my mom as a mother, Goldsworthy. She taught me to iron a long time ago. Where is your ironing board?"

Adam was going too fast for Eli. He couldn't keep up with Adam's speed and he simply just stared at the boy with a slightly stupid expression. Adam threw his arms in the air in frustration and Eli winced.

"Oh, for the love of God, Eli! Just go call your mother! I'll get everything prepared." Adam turned around, muttering angrily. He started putting the unwrinkled clothes into Eli's suitcase. Eli eased out of his room and raced down the stairs. His best friend was starting to scare him.

The carpeted floor slowed down his movements slightly, but he ran faster to the phone. Eli picked up the white phone and quickly put in his mother's number, but then stopped right when his finger was over the call button. Pressing end, he set the phone on the counter.

He was sure that his mother would say no. Since the crash of Morty, she had truly began to realize the depth of Eli's problems. She had woken up as a parent and realized that she couldn't always be his buddy. She had put him on house arrest and checked up on him every two hours. She had put him in therapy. And he knew that he'd be gone on this trip for quite a while, resulting in him not going to his therapist.

So, without picking the phone back up, he raced back up the stairs. Walking into his room, he found Adam still trying to stuff everything in the small suitcase.

"She said yes." Eli said, the lie squeezing tightly through his teeth. But Adam just smile and continued to pack.

The lie would be for the best in the end.

At least, he hoped it would be.

.

.

.

An hour later, Adam and Eli stood out on Eli's front steps. While Adam had went to find Drew, he had grabbed a few clothes and necessities. His bag was minuscule next to Eli's suitcase.

"I feel like a little kid waiting for the bus." Eli groaned and rolled his eyes as each car passed by them, every person giving him a curious look.

"Oh, hush," Adam said impatiently, flicking his hand up in irritation, "Clare gave me her address in case I wanted to send her a letter. Her grandma doesn't have a phone or computer or anything like that. And I guess that Clare gets no service down there. So, anyway, with this address, I found out where her grandma lives." Adam pulled a paper from his back pocket and waved it around.

Eli nodded squinted his eyes at the sun. It was high in the sky now and it's rays made Eli feel uncomfortable. He had been cooped up in his house for so long and he wasn't used to the vibrant sunlight.

"Are you sure that Drew even sent someone?" Eli muttered, his dislike for the other Torres brother was apparent in his tone.

"Yes, Eli. Despite what you think, Drew is actually smart enough to send us someone. But, I'm worried on who it is, though. He's been becoming friends with Bianca's acquaintances. And those people are a bit...shady." Adam's gaze became lost in the ground. He trailed his finger through the little patch of sand in front of him and spelled out his name.

"Great. We'll probably have Ron-Ron. And then, when we're on the road, he'll turn around and shoot us," Eli grimaced at what he said, "I can see it now, _two boys found in car. Both dead due to fatal wounds_."

"Jeesh, Eli. Just keep giving off that positive attitude," Adam said sarcastically and shook his head, "And anyway, Ron-Ron doesn't like guns. He prefers knives."

"Are you kidding me? I'm not going with-"

"Eli!" Adam half-yelled, laughter firing out of his mouth in large gasps, "I'm kidding. Calm down." He shook his head in amusement and watched as his words sunk into Eli.

"That wasn't funny." Eli muttered after a couple of silent moments.

"Ron-Ron would have thought it was funny."

Before Eli could reply back, a silver car pulled up the driveway. Eli kept down his comment relating to Edward Cullen and he stood up, dusting his pants off. Adam walked to the car and Eli grabbed his bag and followed.

When he got to the half-open window, his mouth gaped open. The spiky hair was tidy and neat. And the car smelled like mint and potato chips.

Fitz.

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><p><strong><em>So, no one guessed that it was Fitzy-boy! ;)<em>**

**_Review, please? ;)_**


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